The night I found out I was pregnant I threw the stick in a random dumpster in a parking lot. I was terrified. I was 19, and just out of high school, my boyfriend was starting his senior year. How the heck we were going to break the news to our families let alone even make it all work. I was working close to minimum wage at a daycare, and he was a lifeguard. He had some big plans. How did this even happen, we were taking measures to prevent this exact thing. Then one day, I thought I was losing this babe. It was just as scary as seeing those two lines. This was 10 years ago, and now that boy of mine is starting middle school. In all my fear, I will never change those moments. I learned some of the best things that year.
1. Love is insane.
I thought I knew love, I mean I loved my boyfriend. Little did I know that once that 8 lb 3 oz baby was placed in my arms everything would change. My heart melted, and at that moment I forgot what we were facing. To this day that boy can melt me in a second and make me forget the world out there. (Don’t get me wrong he pushes every button he can too)
2. Life is freaking hard.
And yes, this is true even without a baby but everything was harder. Relationships got strained, stress levels were high, and then add in postpartum feelings; it sure got hard. It broke me for a while. We struggled hard for a few years but then we came out on the other side eventually.
3. You are not a mess up.
This one friend is important. Whatever your choices are, you are not a mess up. Maybe everything wasn’t supposed to be like this but you are someone special and sometimes things happen. It is okay to be scared and even sad, but I just need you to promise me you will never beat yourself up for it.
4. You are never alone.
Even on your worst days when you feel more alone than ever, just know you aren’t. There is always someone out there who has been where you are. Reach out, don’t isolate yourself, as tempting as that might be. You deserve support. (See #3)
5. You are doing awesome.
You, yes you. No matter how things look for you, you are doing awesome. As that baby gets bigger they will look at you and be amazed by wonder at everything you have done. And your tribe, my friend will cheer for you every step of the way.
So if you are that scared young girl that I was. I see you.
While I can’t promise everything will always be okay I can tell you there is always another side to come out on and on that other side, you will stand and you will smile because you will see everything you did and everything you overcame.