“This is the most dramatic rose ceremony ever.”- Chris Harrison
Anyone who’s watched a single season of The Bachelor has heard Christ Harrison utter these words about as often as any contestant refers to the season as “a journey.” And I was a devoted fan of the Bachelor for many seasons. I mean, hello, I was there for Trista and Ryan. A lot of today’s viewers weren’t even in training bras back then! Despite my former devotion, I’m going to try to explain why I gave up on The Bachelor a long time ago.
He’s just not that into you, and it’s for good reason
Unfortunately, this is the case for most of the women who find themselves on The Bachelor. The attractive, catch-of-a-man has 25 gorgeous women fawning over him. The odds aren’t good, to begin with, and throw in the inevitable drama of competing with a huge group of women and you’ve got a recipe for disaster.
These uber-competitive women are in it to win it, and that doesn’t exactly bring out women’s best character traits. High drama is great for TV, but it’s not great for a lasting relationship. Unfortunately, not everyone can handle the stress. The gloves come off and the claws come out, and women who seem relatively normal are painted as full-blown psychos. While not every woman is a would-be stalker type, The Bachelor seems to have no shortage of crazy behavior.
With women running around plotting ways to squash the competition, there’s no shortage of reality TV fodder. However, real and honest relationship-building behavior kind of takes a back seat to all the chaos.
It doesn’t last …even if he is kind of into you
Fantasy suites, ladies. Romantic dates with endless budgets. No work, responsibilities, or daily struggles with which to deal. These unrealistic situations are amazing for having fun and adventure. However, who can keep up with that kind of dreamy lifestyle once the show ends and you get back to your everyday life? Of course, it’s easy to like each other when you’re not bickering about what restaurant to pick, right? My husband and I always have an amazing time on vacation when responsibilities are low and excitement is high. That’s not real life though, and real, ordinary life is the stuff that makes marriage so amazing.
In addition to the reality of life settling in, let’s talk about how much actual time these women spend with The Bachelor himself. How well can you actually get to know someone in a couple of hours a week? Enough to know you’re compatible to frolic on the beach while flexing your hot bodies? What about the important stuff: how you run a household, if you have plans for children, what your dreams are for your life, whether you attend church or strictly worship cats, etc.? Are they legitimately having these super important, intimate conversations? Or is he simply picking out the two or three women he’d like to take to the Fantasy Suites and playing the odds they’ll probably get along well enough to get that far and this close?
Not to mention that narrowing it down to two women and then dumping one instead of asking her to marry him leaves one woman crushed. Emotionally wrecked. Who is signing up for this again? Getting dumped on national television seems pretty cringey to me. A normal rejection is bad enough, but having it documented for all of America to see and make memes about- truly nightmare worthy.
It’s not empowering or healthy for women
Ladies, this one is a no-brainer. Superficial and shallow judgments of women are far from empowering, and I don’t even consider myself a feminist! Competing on a tv show with 20+ other women for one man’s affections is just not something I can endorse any more. Most American women aren’t interested in sharing their husbands or boyfriends, so what makes this any different? Most of the time women get rather put off if they find out a guy they’re seeing is dating around. This guy is actively dating 25 women from the start and they all know about it!
Maybe my age is showing
So, I fall into the elder millennial territory which means I’m married with a slew of children at this point in my life. I’m happy to be where I am, and I certainly do not remember dating with any particular fondness. It was brutal, and I’ve heard it’s even harder now. I am so happy to be where I am now that I don’t want to think about who I was when this show felt relatable to me.
The fact of the matter is that I simply can’t relate to these women anymore, and I am grateful for that. I’ve outgrown The Bachelor and all the craziness that goes with it. The last Bachelor I fell in love with made me his wife, and I didn’t even have to publicly humiliate myself on television for it to happen. I know that The Bachelor is all for the sake of making good television, but I just hate the idea of it being at the expense of these women’s hopeful hearts. I’ll just choose something different.
So with that in mind, I’m going to go back to watching The Office on Netflix, again.